


More of a Jump (straight down to the devil's arms)

by LunaDeSangre



Series: However Improbable [2]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, S6E08: Teamwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaDeSangre/pseuds/LunaDeSangre
Summary: This isn't you, she'd said. This isn'tyou. Like he was incapable of free will.
Relationships: Allison Cameron/Robert Chase, Gregory House/Robert Chase
Series: However Improbable [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1127417
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	More of a Jump (straight down to the devil's arms)

He's always imagined Cameron's dead husband as _better_ : better-looking, a better lover, a better human being. He'd imagined Cameron better with _him_ , too, assumed that they had already been together when he'd gotten his diagnostic, that she had just tearfully but steadfastly stood by him until the end _despite_ it.

But now he's wondering if maybe the man was simply exactly like him. Young (in Cameron's own words, even though she was born the same year as Chase himself), lost (equally alone in the world, maybe) and _grateful_. Naively thinking to have found _the one_ , somehow, to be so lucky, so blessed with her.

(Except that poor bastard died before he could realize Cameron's compassionate persona was just an illusion, just an egocentric construct, a shiny facade made to be admired. Chase...Chase wasn't so _lucky_ , even if that's an horrible thought to have, even if no one should ever think of a dead man as lucky.)

 _Chase_ had thought himself blessed with her.

But their relationship, he can see in retrospect, has always progressed in great reluctant leaps: with her only ever agreeing to suddenly rush ahead every time she was scared she'd loose him. Him being fired, him wanting to move forward or away, him wanting to get married or give up. Before that, he was just pizza: easy to order, easy to consume, easy to throw away.

Would she have wanted him at all, if House hadn't fired him? If it hadn't looked like he'd move on?

He'd been so sure of himself. He'd been so sure of _her_. Now he's just questioning everything.

And wondering: did he remind her of her dead husband? How did she marry _him_ , and _why_? Was it a variation of the same? Because she felt _needed_? Did he tell her he was dying one night, and she answered with _Let's get married_?

Is _that_ what it would have taken for her to stay? Him dying?

But no—he was House's... _thing_ to her. His creation. His _personal sock puppet_.

 _This isn't you_ , she'd said. This isn't _you_. Like he was incapable of free will. He'd killed, but it was House's fault, not his, never his, and she had to take him away to save him.

(Save him from the Big Bad House, he thinks, and nearly snickers.)

He could have let her—they'd still be married. But he'd be _nothing_ : just her rescued puppet. (And how long before she would have lost interest?)

Till death do us part. He'd be tempted to say _What a joke_ , except death _did_ draw them apart. Just: death at his hands, _from_ his hands— _murder_ , instead of the death of one of them.

(He's sure she would have been happier if he'd just been dying as well. It's an easier fix: it just requires being there until it's over. Just a waiting game. Unlike _killing a man_ , which...means unsalvageable. Rotten to the very core. To be discarded.)

In the end, though, the choice had been _his_ : be a puppet or be himself.

Her or _himself_.

Because he wasn't allowed to have free will if he wanted to be with her. He was just allowed to be the puppet she was saving from House.

Then nothing was his fault, not even murder, because he'd been _contaminated_ —because he'd been _made_ like that. But she could save him, would take him away and stay with him through thick and thin—if he admitted _this wasn't him_ , if he admitted _House had made him like that_.

Which begs the question: did she only want him _because of House_? Because she thought he was House's puppet?

Because she couldn't have House himself, and he was the next best thing?

He already knew he was a consolation prize because of her dead husband, but _because of House_ , too? He knows that's how it started—was sure she kept dragging him into the hospital's closets on purpose, was sure House walking in on them was exactly what she'd wanted back then. But he'd believed her when she said she was over the man— _when she'd married him_.

(If she thought he was House's puppet, did she marry him _to get House's attention_? Can't get the puppet master, steal the puppet from right under his nose?)

He's a naive idiot. Love turns to hate, adoration to contempt, abhorrence. Worship to pity. She's certainly never worshipped _him_ , never adored him, and he's now honestly wondering if she ever loved him at all—but he can see it, clearly, how her feelings for House have turned, and how that encompasses him too, by association, by _influence_ (corruption), since he _naively_ tried to make her see he was his own person, since he's refused to let her save him _from his master_.

The pity in her eyes, when she left, had been unmistakable: even now, he's still a puppet to her. Just an irremediably lost one.

( _Trash_ —like bad pizza. He's not what she ordered, so there's no use for him.)

He loves her—he's loved her. But perhaps she never loved him. Perhaps she never loved anyone, and the only thing she's capable of loving is her own perceived selflessness. He wonders if that's what House saw, during that date she extorted out of him—if he saw it from the very start.

If he collects damaged people on purpose—shakes his head and thinks: _of course he does_. Misery loves company, after all. Chase thinks he's starting to see the point.

(But: if misery loves company, doesn't that just mean misery is capable of love?)

And also: wouldn't it be more true to think Chase's choice was not quite between Cameron and himself, but Cameron and _House_?

He thought he was choosing himself...but if he thinks too much about it, he's really chosen House, hasn't he? House over Cameron. House over _his wife_.

He really is House's puppet.

(And that's a thought that should disturb him more.)


End file.
